Well, what can I say... it's been a while since my last blog.
I'm not one for New Year's resolutions, I don't see the point. We should either decide to do something or decide not to. If the Roman calendar didn't exist, we'd have every day to make a change for the better. Weekends wouldn't exist, we would just live for the day we woke up on. That's how I do life, I only get today. The past is gone (what did I learn?) & tomorrow hasn't arrived yet (what can I change?). Someone once said that today is a gift, that's why we call it 'the present'.
I did have a renewed sense of hope & purpose this year though. Having landed a great day job with a good income last Autumn, I finally had a chance to rebuild my life after Covid-19 destroyed it & took everything I owned.
But sadly, my beloved mum fell asleep on December 23rd & never woke up. She left us peacefully on Jan 21st & there now remains a hole in my heart that can never be filled.
We all know that life can change in a heartbeat. We bear witness to it every day in what we see the people around us go through. But when the courses of our own lives are altered dramatically, it suddenly becomes much more real. Having now lost both parents, I will carry with me the constant reminder of the fragility of life. So many plans... so many hopes... so many imagined tomorrows. The illusion shatters into a million tiny pieces to leave you standing once again at a crossroads. And facing the truth.
The truth is, no one knows what tomorrow will bring. All we get is today. So please, don't put off until tomorrow what could be done right now. Imagine if the stars only came out once every hundred years. It would be the greatest spectacle ever! But they come out every night & people watch TV instead.
I have wasted so much of my life because I believed I had another tomorrow. But I don't. Like the last blank page of a book called 'My Life', today is the story that will be written on it. We cannot change the past, no matter how hard we try. But we can change what hasn't been written yet.
I bought some chocolate ice cream last night & for the first time I can remember, I actually took the time to savour the taste. It was divine! I sat in Starbucks this morning & as I sipped my latte I let the flavour wash over my tongue. I spotted some daffodils this afternoon. My heart lifted when the rain stopped & clouds parted to let the blue sky peek through this evening. And I felt about as alive as I have been for a very long time. That is now mum's legacy. What a gift to leave me! My life is no longer a continuous blur. It has become a priceless collection of memories that will be as unforgettable as I make them by how 'in the moment' I was when they happened.
Yes, dreams sometimes don't come true. Yes, plans sometimes fall through. Yes, prayers sometimes go unanswered. But when we live in this moment, we exist in a realm of infinite possibilities, where we can be or do anything we want. All we have to do is decide to. As one door closes, another opens. Don't waste today staring at a closed door. You may be longing for the lost pearl behind you & failing to see the shining diamond in front of you.
Life is more sacred than I could've ever imagined. It took losing a parent to help me understand that. But this is my story. Not everyone needs to go through the same experiences as me to learn the lessons I have learned. It doesn't always take a heart attack to live a healthier life. It doesn't always take losing a friend to be a better one. You don't always have to be bullied to stick up for someone. You don't always have to have been in need to know when someone needs help.
And you don't have to waste your life to learn that right here, right now, is the most incredible gift you will ever be given.
Thank you mum xxx